Oncologist Has Other Doctor Casually Pass On End Of Life Message?

TL;DR oncology casually (?) mentioned to a different doctor that my dad was no longer responding to treatment and was therefore at the end of the road. Other doctor calls my mom and says he’s done with treatment & he’s gonna die soon. Offers no details, can’t answer questions. Can I complain about that kind of behavior? Not try to sue anyone, but I do want complain about unprofessional behavior if possible.

I’ll try to keep this brief. My father (age 70) has terminal cancer- leukemia (AML) to be precise. We know it will kill him and we know he’s very sick. He’s been receiving treatment since fall 2022. He is being treated by Kaiser Permanente in CA.

His oncologist is and always has been extremely hard to get ahold of. We can pin him down for the mandatory once every 6 months appt as legally required by Medicare, but almost nothing else. The next appt is scheduled for Monday 6/3.

My dad recently took a turn for the worse about 6 weeks ago - losing lots of weight, lots of bad symptoms, pain, tanking numbers in his blood work. We tried constantly to reach this oncologist. Calls, emails, voicemails. No reply.

We tried his primary care physician who of course was like “this is over my head, call oncology.” We tried palliative care, they say call oncology. We tell the transfusion nurses when he gets blood transfusion. They say (you guessed it) call oncology.

Things were getting so bad we called to ask about more in-home support for my mom (71) who is his primary caretaker. Palliative care returns my mom’s call at 5 mins to 5pm this evening to say they had “spoken to oncology” and that we were “at the end of the road” and my dad was “no longer making blood.”

She also casually said “I would guess the cancer medication has become toxic.” She would GUESS? So shall he stop taking it? Tonight? Tomorrow? Who knows. Because the palliative care doc isn’t an oncologist or hematologist she couldn’t answer any of their (many, frightened) questions and she terrified them.

My mom calls me, hysterical of course, because she is terrified at the idea that treatment is now over and that he was “not making blood.” My dad is very upset. Someone just drops on them casually that he’s done? But has no real information? Surely none of this is an acceptable way to behave towards or communicate with patients?

Again I’m not seeing dollar signs here, I just want someone to tell both of these doctors that this is a shitty way to behave.

Thanks for any tips!!