My Son Is Refusing To Follow Visitation Order

Location: Tucson, Arizona

I’m at my wits’ end with my 12-year-old son. I share custody with his mother, and there’s a court order for visitation, but he flat-out refuses to go. He won’t see her, won’t talk to her, and every time her visitation weekend comes around, it turns into a battle.

His reasoning is that he doesn’t agree with her cultural and religious views, and that she’s far too strict on him. He’s vocal about it. He tells me she tries to control everything, that he doesn’t want her rules or her beliefs forced onto him, and that he simply won’t go.

It’s not that I haven’t tried. I’ve done everything I can think of to follow the order. I’ve driven him to her house, parked in the driveway, and told him he has to get out. I’ve explained the legal side of it, even gone as far as warning him that if he keeps refusing, he could end up in juvenile detention for not following the court’s order. Still, he just sits there in the car, arms crossed, and won’t budge. No yelling, no tantrum, just pure refusal. The mother and her side of the family approach the car trying to demand he comes out, but to no avail.

I’ve video-recorded every incident, thinking that at least I can show the court that it isn’t me preventing visitation, it’s him making the choice. I’ve encouraged therapy too, multiple times, but he’s refused to attend even a single session. He won’t talk to anyone about it.

I honestly don’t know what else to do. On the one hand, I understand he’s growing up, becoming more independent, and starting to think for himself. On the other, I’m bound by the court order, and I can’t physically drag him out of the car and force him into her house. That’s not something I could ever do to him, nor do I think it would help.

So here I am, caught in the middle. I’ve done my part. I follow the order, I bring him there, I encourage him to go, but he refuses. I’ve tried reasoning, I’ve tried consequences, I’ve even tried scaring him straight with talk of Juvie. Nothing works.

If anyone has advice, I’d appreciate it. What else can a father do when the child is this resistant, when he’s made up his mind so firmly? I’ve got the video evidence of his refusals, and I’ve tried to get him into therapy without success. I’m stuck between the law and my son’s willpower, and I don’t know which side is going to break first.