(nm) My Daughter Is Living In A Home Where Domestic Violence Is Taking Place. But I'm Being Told There Is Nothing I Can Do About It.

Hi all,

Long story but I'll try to be brief. The short version is I have a wonderful soon to be 10 year old daughter that I have 50% physical custody of. Her mom and I have been broken up for 8 years. There are no feelings there. Please don't think this is a jealousy thing.

About 10 months ago my daughter's mom wanted to move our daughter to another city to live with her boyfriend. I asked how long they had been together... And she said 8 weeks.

I said she was free to move wherever she wants... But I would not support changing our daughter's school and uprooting her life for such a new relationship.

Mom wound up getting an apartment in my city and the boyfriend moved in there. I asked to meet him or for us all to do something together like we had with previous partners... But she said he didn't want to meet me and was very anti-social.

I asked mom for his name at least... And she said he didn't want it shared because he was a very private person. I was a bit worried because mom has been in several abusive relationships. One of them got her put in the ICU and caused a stroke.

There were a bunch of red flags. All I asked my daughter about him was if he was nice to her and if he was nice to her mom. My daughter became very reserved and said she wasn't allowed to talk about him.

Around this time I started noticing bruises on mom when I dropped our daughter off. Mom would say she fell or ran into things.

I reviewed good touch bad touch with my daughter and told her if there was every anything happening in the home that made her uncomfortable or unsafe... Then she needed to let me know. She said okay... But said she was scared she would get in trouble if she talked about the boyfriend.

The straw that broke the camels back was when my daughter pointed at a car and said that's the kind of car the boyfriend drove. It was just made in passing and I actually forgot she made it at all.

Then a couple weeks ago my daughter asked me to pause the movie we were watching and said she needed to talk to me. She said that her moms boyfriend was mean to mom and that he always made her cry. Then she asked me why mom was always with men who were not nice to her.

And then she said that her mom had found out that she had made that comment about the kind of car her drove and screamed at her for telling me. Then the very next day the boyfriend went and bought a new car.

At this point it became clear something was being hidden and this wasn't just enforcing boundaries or wanting privacy. So I hired a private investigator to reveal the man's name.

When I got his name, I looked for any court cases that involved him. I found that he was charged with several felonies in 2021 including assault with a deadly weapon, breaking and entering with a deadly weapon, battery against a household member, stalking and breaking and entering with a weapon.

There was also a battery on a household member charge from just a few months ago- when he was with my daughter's mom. This charge was also dismissed.

I requested the police reports for these incidents. In 2021, he broke into the home of an ex with a gun. He found her with her new partner and proceeded to beat both of them with the gun. Then he racked a round into the chamber and put the gun to the exes head before beating them some more. The man sustained a fractured skull and had to be life flighted to the hospital. The woman had a broken hand and lacerations on her head.

In the incident involving mom, he punched her in the face several times then he choked her. When she tried to facetime her dad for help, he took the phone from her, beat her with it and then dragged her across the floor by her hair, ripping a chunk out.

I confronted mom about this information and she said that she was the aggressor in the incident her was arrested for with her. She said he didn't do anything wrong and that she regretted calling the police. She said she knew about the incident in 2021 but said all he did was find a man in bed with his girlfriend and beat him.

I gave her a copy of the police report showing he did much more. And that she was his ex, not his girlfriend. She said she wasn't aware of those factors.

I asked her if she was going to allow this guy to have access to our daughter now that she knew. And she said yes because the police reports were exaggerated and she loved him and knew he would never hurt our daughter.

Upon hearing this, I scheduled an appointment with an attorney to get a consultation. Today the attorney told me that there was literally nothing I could do about the situation because none of them happened with my daughter present and there were no convictions.

She said the guy in the 2021 incident was injured badly enough to sustain brain damage and did not remember the incident. And the ex later got back with him so she refused to assist in prosecution.

So now my daughter is stuck in a home with an abusive person filled with guns who once held a loaded gun to a partners head.

And the attorney says until my daughter is harmed, I can't do anything. She says even if my ex is being beat in front of my daughter, if she will not speak to a CPS investigator then it will look like I'm just a jealous ex trying to weaponize CPS and it will hurt me.

Surely there has to be something I can do here? Please help me. This guy is going to wind up killing my daughter.