Muslim Dad Threatened My Boyfriend

Hi all,

This is my first time posting on Reddit, but I really need some advice and support. I’m a 22F, and my boyfriend is 23M.

I’ve had a toxic relationship with my dad for as long as I can remember. Growing up, I was forced to be someone I wasn’t,constantly walking on eggshells, and hiding parts of myself to keep the peace. As I got older, the tension eased a bit, but mostly because I stopped telling him things. I honestly thought he had softened and become less controlling.

A few weeks ago, I decided to open up and tell him about my boyfriend because I thought I could finally trust him. That backfired. His reaction was worse than I expected, and living at home became unbearable again. My depression was getting worse, and my boyfriend eventually asked me to move in with him for the sake of my mental health.

I left a few days later to start a new life, one where I could be myself and heal. As expected, my dad didn’t take it well. At first, he was heartbroken, crying (which is very out of character for him), saying that I had “broken” him that my mom had too. (For context, my mom has been wanting a divorce for a while because she no longer wants to follow Islam and is tired of the toxicity in their marriage.)

During the first week, he kept calling and messaging me a lot, trying to get in contact. I didn’t feel ready to speak. Eventually, I worked up the courage to call him. I wanted to clear the air and honestly, a part of me still cared about his feelings.

The conversation was…interesting. I learned a lot about him that I didn’t know before. But the most surprising part? Toward the end of the call, he said that what would make him feel better is if I just got engaged which he said was only a suggestion. I visited my parents a few days later and my dad and I sat next to each other and had a nice heart to heart. He then said he supported my decision but again mentioned the engagement which my response was “no we aren’t ready”. He drove me back to my bf’s (big mistake of mine bc now he knows our address)

A week passes by and I go visit my parents again, I noticed how withdrawn my dad was. He was sitting outside in the yard staring into space. My mom told me he does this every night now. Along with that he hasn’t been eating or sleeping well.

Then, two days later, he texted me at night asking if I could call him the next day. I felt nervous, so I called my mom first thing in the morning to see what was going on.

That’s when she told me something that completely shattered me: She said my dad told her he was planning to get a gun and kill my boyfriend if we didn’t get engaged. He knew our address and his parent’s address.

After hearing what my mom told me, I was in shock. I didn’t know what else to do, so I called the local police department. They advised me to file a 302 (involuntary psychiatric hold), but also warned that if he got released, he could come out even more angry or unpredictable. I still tried to go through with it but the paperwork got denied. I was redirected to a local crisis team, where I had to wait all day just to call at the “right time” to dispatch them. But even then, I found out my dad had a choice whether or not to go with them, which left me feeling completely helpless.

My boyfriend and I went to his parents’ house for protection, but we’re still scared. I mean he knows where we are even though my bf’s parents are keeping us safe. Every day my dad changes his mind, first it was engagement, then marriage, and now he says I need to move back home until I get married.

But I don’t want to go home. I can’t. I’m an adult, and I deserve to make my own choices.

At the same time, I’m terrified my dad is going to hurt the person I love the most. I don’t want to move off the grid either. I just started building a life for myself, finally feeling free and somewhat stable. I shouldn’t have to uproot everything just because he’s threatening us. I deserve to feel safe right where I am.

What can I do legally to protect myself and my boyfriend? Is a restraining order an option even though he hasn’t acted on anything yet? How do I make the police or a court take this seriously before something actually happens? Has anyone dealt with something like this?

Any advice or help would mean the world to me. I just want to feel safe.