Struggling To Cope With My Father's Stagnant Stroke Recovery, And My Responsibility As His Son.

For some context my dad (59) in June had a bad stroke, left with serious brain damage and isnt making progress in rehab. He's violent and mean but sometimes hes just so happy to see you and is just really sweet. He's like the old him. He was far from a perfect father, but he was mine and I miss him.

I'm good with death, I can grieve and live with the hole left behind. I've lost a lot of people, what I'm not ready for is living with someone who has lost so much of themselves and still trying to do right by them.

I've been lucky, his wife has taken on so much. At time leaving me in the dark over decisions being made even though I am next of kin. I've bitten my tounge as I know she is struggling immensely.

I've been trying all I can for him, new ways for him to try and get better. He was recently admitted to a respite hospital as he's just to much to handle. Now the discussion has shifted from rehab and experimental treatment to nursing homes and elder care.

It just doesn't sit right with me. Personally I like nursing homes, I think they are great for end of life care and the stigma around them is really unfair. But he's not even 60. And that's not sitting well with me. It seems like we would be giving up on him, and I'm not really ready to do that yet. But I'm also torn over something more selfish. I'm 27, I have a life to live and I had only just gotten things on track when he had the stroke which sent me spiraling again. I've put everything on hold, taken a shit job and done everything in my power to help. But it feels fruitless.

It's selfish but I want to live and enjoy my youth, if this had happened 5+ years from now I feel like I could give it all up and care for him. But I'm just not ready.

I don't even know what I'm looking for with this post. No one I know has gone through this. Most of this sub is middle age people with elderly parents. It's so disorentating to go through this and I feel like I'm doing so alone. Someone please give me some wisdom, some help to understand it all as I feel I'm just a shit son who is choosing his own impulsive life decisions over the well-being of his father. Should I just care for him instead? Give up my dreams and accept the hand given to me to help the man who raised me.