People Who Grew Up In Dysfunctional Families Often Develop These 8 Emotional Patterns Without Realizing It

When you see someone laughing, you assume they’re happy. When you see someone silent, you figure they’re calm.

But human emotions are trickier than that.

Especially for those who grew up in dysfunctional families, things aren’t always what they seem on the surface.

In fact, these individuals often unknowingly develop 8 emotional patterns as a result of their upbringing.

Why do some people end up this way? Well, it all boils down to their early family environments.

Here’s an insight into these patterns and how they come to be.

1) High sensitivity

Living in a dysfunctional family feels like walking on eggshells.

One moment everything’s calm, the next moment, a storm hits.

Because of this, individuals from such families often develop an acute sense of sensitivity.

They become highly attuned to the moods and emotions of those around them.

It’s their survival instinct, their way of predicting and avoiding potential emotional storms.

This high sensitivity can make them incredibly empathetic and understanding.

But, it can also lead to emotional exhaustion as they’re always “on guard”, ready to react to the slightest change in their environment.

Feels draining, doesn’t it?

Yet, it’s the reality for many who’ve grown up in dysfunctional families.

Their heightened sensitivity is their shield, their coping mechanism in an unpredictable world.

2) Perfectionism

Imagine growing up in a home where nothing you did was ever good enough. That was my reality.

My parents set the bar high, and no matter how much I tried, I always fell short. The result? I developed an unhealthy pattern of perfectionism.

I became my own harshest critic, always pushing myself to be better, to do more.

I carried this into my adulthood, and it manifested in my work, relationships, and even my hobbies.

I would spend hours working on a single task, trying to get it “just right.”

If a friend pointed out a flaw in something I did, I would take it to heart and obsess over it for days.

Perfectionism became my way of seeking approval that I never received as a child. It was exhausting and damaging to my self-esteem.

Sadly, many individuals from dysfunctional families share this emotional pattern.

Their childhood experiences create an internal pressure to be perfect, often leading to burnout and dissatisfaction.

3) Fear of abandonment

When a child grows up in a household where they don’t feel secure, they often carry these feelings into their adult relationships. The result? A deep-seated fear of abandonment.

This fear can be so powerful that it affects every aspect of their life.

They may struggle to form lasting relationships, or they may cling too tightly to people, terrified of being left alone.

This fear of abandonment can even influence our choice of partners.

People with abandonment issues are often drawn to emotionally unavailable individuals, perpetuating a cycle of unfulfilling relationships.

It’s a tough pattern to break, but recognizing it is the first step towards healing.

4) Difficulty trusting others

Trust is the foundation of any relationship, but for those who grew up in a dysfunctional family, trust can be a foreign concept.

Their early experiences have taught them that people are unreliable and that they should always be on guard.

They’ve seen promises broken and secrets spilled, making it hard for them to trust others.

This can make it incredibly difficult for them to open up and be vulnerable.

They may build walls around themselves to avoid getting hurt, making it a challenge for them to form deep, meaningful connections with others.

It’s not an easy pattern to overcome, but with time and patience, they can learn to trust again.

5) Constant need for validation

I’ll be honest. I grew up constantly seeking validation. If I wasn’t being praised or acknowledged, I felt invisible.

This constant need for validation came from a place of not feeling seen or heard in my dysfunctional family.

My accomplishments were often overlooked, and my feelings dismissed.

As I grew older, this deep-seated need for approval didn’t just vanish.

It followed me into my adult life, influencing the choices I made and the people I surrounded myself with.

I found myself gravitating towards people who would praise me, even if they didn’t treat me well. I would go out of my way to please others, hoping for a nod of approval, a pat on the back.

This constant need for validation is a common emotional pattern among people who grew up in dysfunctional families.

It’s a tough cycle to break, but recognizing it is the first step towards healing.

6) Overly independent

You’d think that growing up in a dysfunctional environment would make individuals overly dependent on others, but surprisingly, the opposite is often true.

Many become fiercely independent as a means of self-preservation.

They learn from an early age that they can’t rely on others to meet their needs or protect them.

This independence can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, it can lead to resilience and self-reliance.

On the other hand, it can result in isolation and an inability to ask for help when needed.

It’s a delicate balancing act between maintaining independence and allowing others to support you. It takes time and practice to get it right.

7) Emotional suppression

Emotional suppression is another pattern that often develops in individuals who grew up in dysfunctional families.

When emotions aren’t acknowledged or are dismissed as unimportant, children learn to hide their feelings.

They may feel that expressing their emotions leads to conflict or rejection, so they choose to suppress them instead.

This might help them avoid immediate conflict, but it can lead to serious problems down the line.

Suppressed emotions can manifest in different ways, from physical ailments to mental health issues.

Learning to express emotions in a healthy manner is a challenging but necessary step towards emotional well-being.

It’s about unlearning old habits and creating new, healthier ones.

8) Struggle with self-worth

Above all, individuals from dysfunctional families often struggle with their sense of self-worth.

Growing up in an environment where they were constantly criticized, ignored, or made to feel insignificant can deeply affect their self-esteem.

They may carry a pervasive feeling of not being “good enough”, which can impact their relationships, career, and overall quality of life.

This struggle with self-worth is perhaps one of the most damaging emotional patterns.

But it’s crucial to remember that your worth is not determined by your past or the opinions of others. You are inherently valuable, just as you are.

Final thoughts

If you’ve made it this far, hopefully you’ve begun to understand the complex emotional patterns that people who grew up in dysfunctional families often develop.

Recognizing these patterns is not about placing blame or dwelling in the past.

Instead, it’s about understanding the impact of our experiences and using this understanding to foster growth and healing.

Famed psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” This quote rings especially true for those wrestling with these emotional patterns.

Accepting where you come from and how it has shaped you is the first step towards change.

And remember, your past does not define you. It’s just one part of your story.

In the end, it’s not about becoming a different person, but rather becoming the person you were meant to be, free from the emotional chains of your past.

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