Looking For Romance? This Senior Dating Pro Can Help

He’s 84, he’s a former restaurant owner, and he’s looking for love.

No, he’s not a new Golden Bachelor.

Tom Blake has found his love, but he makes it his business to help other seniors find theirs.

Blake started writing a newspaper column on finding love after age 50 in 1994 when he was, well, after age 50 and unexpectedly divorced from his third wife.

“It got to be almost a joke – a single man who just got dumped by his wife and started dating again,” the Dana Point resident recalled.

But it didn’t turn out to be a joke. Blake has written over 5,000 columns in weekly newspapers, he says. He’s published three books on senior dating, and he founded the website findingloveafter50.com. He also puts out a weekly email newsletter “on love and life after 50.”

Blake soon learned that finding love after 50 wasn’t simple.

“I thought I was hot stuff, but I very quickly found out it was a new ballgame,” he said. “It wasn’t gonna be easy but challenging. I hadn’t dated in years. I was now a senior single, so where do you begin?”

Blake began with introductions from friends and blind dates set up by those friends. He started chatting up women in a deli he owned in Dana Point, and even began holding singles events there.

And when he would come home from his dates, he would write notes about how they went.

He soon realized that he was “getting 40 dollared to death – almost  every date cost that much,” he said. “I hadn’t anticipated that.”

So he switched tactics. Instead of going out for lunch or dinner on a first date, he and the woman would meet for coffee.

Along the way, he learned other valuable tidbits on dating – all fodder for his columns.

After going out with about 20 women on roughly 50 dates, Blake met the woman who would become his life partner for 25 years. They met at a singles event he organized in his deli.

He kept writing his weekly column, finding topics in the responses he received from those who were getting his free Friday newsletter – about 2,000 people around the U.S., he says.

In 2022, his partner died. Six months later he started dating again.

“You know what, I was a lonely dude, and I wanted to meet some women,” Blake said. “They could never replace her, but I might enhance another woman’s life and enhance my life too.”

This time around, he ventured into online dating. But first he had to learn all about the medium and the scams that come with it.

Blake recalls the first woman who responded to his profile. She was 23 years younger than him, and he liked what he saw in her photo.

“I thought she can’t be real. When we first met, she looked exactly like her picture,” he said. “On our second date, she said she wanted me to change my estate plan so that she would get my home.”

Still, he encourages online dating for seniors, calling it “a larger lake in which to cast your net.”

And he found seniors to be “pretty willing to be honest – and not take it too personally if they’re rejected.”

As for the “Golden Bachelor” TV show, Blake said he watched the first episode and enjoyed it.

“But it was all Hollywood – entertaining but not real life,” he said.

Given his adventurous nature, would he consider being on the show if asked?

“It would be fun,” he said, “but my new lady friend wouldn’t be happy.”

Dating advice

When it comes to senior dating, Blake offers some common-sense advice. First and foremost, he says, “you gotta get off the couch and get out of the house. You can’t just sit and wait for somebody to come into your life.”

Women need to be assertive, though not aggressive, he says.

“Let’s say they’re in Costco and they see a man they’re interested in – take the initiative, maybe ask a question, ask them to recommend a wine, anything in the produce section,” he says. “Try to get a conversation going. Be assertive enough to ask ‘Are you single, do you date, would you like to meet for coffee?’ I know that’s very difficult for some. But don’t be aggressive, that’s a turnoff.”

He recommends women carry a business card with just their first name on it and a way to reach them, preferably an email address, again with no full name in it.

Men, Blake says, “kinda got a better deal going.” Among seniors, he notes, the ratio is 4-1 in favor of men, and over 75, it’s 5-1.

“So men are pretty fortunate,” he says, adding that he recently gave a speech, and 70 women and 10 men showed up.

His advice for both men and women is to be polite, look nice and, most importantly, smile. And men need to be interested in the woman and ask her questions: “Don’t just talk about yourself. Be a listener. And smile.”

As for online dating, Blake is in favor of it for seniors: “It opens up a whole new geological area where you can meet people. It’s also age specific.”

Still, he says, men and women both need to be aware that there are scammers on all dating sites, along with other bad actors.

“Meet up for coffee in a safe place, not after dark until you get to know the person. Don’t have him come pick you up. Don’t share your address with strangers,” he says. “Trust your instincts and ask a lot of questions.”

He suggests Googling a potential date, checking if they’re on Facebook, even getting a professional background check.

And he reminds seniors that “anything that sounds too good to be true probably is.”

Tom P. Blake’s website is at findingloveafter50.com. To reach him and to sign up for his weekly newsletter, email tompblake@gmail.com.