I posted this a couple of days ago at r/nonmonogamy and meant to cross-post then but life got in the way. I got some good responses and information - more importantly, I some older folks posted their experiences. This is posted as it appeared there except I changed "ENM" for "polyamorous" or some form of that word. I consider myself polyamorous in that I'm not rejecting a romantic connection if one comes my way. I'm a little skeptical though.

It should come as no surprise that the posts on this and similarly-themed sub-reddits come mostly from younger folks. There are subs for Dating Over 50, 60 but not ENM over or Poly over. Maybe there should be. Who knows.

There are though a few posts & comments about older men dating, or not dating, age appropriately. I get it - DiCaprio has become a running joke for his dating choices and people are remembering when Seinfeld was nearing 40, dating a high school-er. But those are mega-celebrities.

A commenter on a not too recent thread wrote, “There’s a lot of men who want to date age appropriate partners, your husband isn’t one of them. It shows he doesn’t value the wisdom, life experience, and shared life stage women his age bring to the table …” This got me to thinking.

The ENM & poly dating pools in general ebb and flow I think we agree based in substantial part on location. I think we can agree the ENM/poly dating pool in say Portland OR is probably more robust than say, in [insert random mid-western city here]. There is, of course, a case to be made that if you’re into something you should go to where that action is. I get that.

I’m in my early 60s and am one of those men (married) who wants to date age appropriate partners. For some reason though, I have no idea where to find such potential partners. In my area at least, they are pretty scarce on the dating sites I’ve joined. The poly mixer crowd I found skews quite young, almost to a one, almost to the point of my feeling out of place despite generally friendly atmospheres. I’ve been to two BDSM meet & greets - that’s just going to be a hard no for me.

Even in the wild I’ve noticed I just don’t see women my age out in settings where mingling or just saying hello might be expected (by me anyway). I spent some time in the center city of my large metro area a couple of weekends ago. I hit bars, resale shops antique shops, smoke shops, a food truck, a bookstore — lots of folks out & about in great Spring weather, but women in my age range were very few and far between. Young people were everywhere. That night I went to a club for live music. Same. One day is a small sample size, true, but still, it’s disconcerting.

Keep in mind — it’s not that I’m getting turned down for dates. I’m not finding that age appropriate ENM women (or just age appropriate women) at least in my area, exist, or at least exist in friendly spaces. Getting turned down I can deal with. Tilting at windmills is another matter.

So my question for ENM/poly men of a certain age dating age appropriately is - where & how did you meet your partners? For ENM/poly women who like me are of a certain age, how and where are you meeting men? I’m just seeking examples really - brief vignettes, if you will. What am I not thinking of? What am I missing? The concept of ENM/poly men dating age appropriately begins, it seems, with there being age appropriate ENM/poly women in the mix seeking to date men. I’d like to exhaust this trail before considering the alternatives.