Becoming Whole: A Holistic Approach To Being Single

In the midst of wedding season, many singles feel torn between joy and sorrow, between gratitude for what is and longing for what has not yet come. I know the feeling all too well.

After many years of dating, I married at 38. I had spent nearly two decades navigating emotional highs and lows—hope, heartbreak, pressure, and moments of deep clarity.

What sustained me throughout was the resolve to pursue not just a marriage, but a healthy, meaningful, and spiritual partnership.

As a Licensed Social Worker and practicing Jewish woman, I speak from both personal and professional experience when I say this: singles need more than dating advice. They need validation of their inner worth, encouragement to nurture their mental and physical well-being, and reminders that their value isn’t determined by marital status.

Too often, singles are told to “just be less picky” or “try someone different.” But the deeper message they crave is one of trust—in themselves, in God, and the timing of their life.

This journey isn’t just about finding a spouse. It’s about becoming whole in yourself.

For me, that wholeness was strengthened by my support system: my mother, of blessed memory, who passed away two weeks before her birthday in December 2017, but who always reminded me of my worth; my father, who continues to cheer me on; my maternal grandmother, who lived to nearly 99, passed away in December 2024 who longed to dance at my wedding and see me have children; my paternal grandmother who passed away in December 2018 at the age of 88 and had been labeled "an old maid" in 1955 when at the age of 25, she married my grandfather; and my devoted aunt, my mother's older sister. Their faith in me reminded me not to settle for a life that wasn’t aligned with my values.

Depression, anxiety, and trauma don’t disappear with a wedding band.

We need to talk more openly in our community about emotional and psychological well-being. Depression, anxiety, and trauma don’t disappear with a wedding band. Unresolved wounds often get louder when ignored. Seeking therapy or support doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means you care enough about yourself and your future spouse to heal before building a home together.

Attraction is important, but true connection goes beyond the surface. A kind soul, a shared vision, mutual respect, and emotional safety outlast fleeting chemistry. I encourage singles to consider: Do I feel emotionally safe with this person? Do our values align? Can we grow together spiritually?

This may mean expanding your definition of “your type.” Your soulmate may not match the picture you painted at 21, but they may be someone who brings you peace, laughter, and purpose. Be open to seeing their inner world. The depth of one’s soul often reveals beauty your eyes alone can’t see.

I found inspiration in Jewish heroines who triumphed through adversity: our matriarch Rivka, who left home to build a nation; Bruriah, a Torah scholar of clarity and confidence; Sarah Schenirer, who faced communal resistance to create Bais Yaakov; Doña Gracia Mendes, who safeguarded Jewish survival with cunning and grace; and Golda Meir, who led a country without waiting for permission. These women, like many today, refused to be defined by their circumstances—they rose above them.

Their stories remind us that we are not behind or incomplete. We are becoming. And we are not alone.

If you’re single this wedding season, this message is for you: Your worth is not on hold. Your value doesn’t expire. There is no expiration date on your dreams, your joy, or your ability to love and be loved.

Stay connected to Judaism. Stay rooted in your truth. Stay open to the unexpected. Sometimes the greatest blessings arrive in a form we never anticipated.

You are not broken. You are blooming. And your story isn’t over—it’s just beginning.

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